did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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