apparently the secret to your success is patron
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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