I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
