ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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