I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
