Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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