You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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