We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
