College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
