i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
