she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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