Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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