I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
