Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
