I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
