i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
