ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
