do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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