I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize