My nipple is on Facebook.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
