She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
