that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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