i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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