the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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