Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
