5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
