the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
