We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
