speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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