My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
