My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
