VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
