Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
