saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
