I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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