What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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