I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
