I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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