Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
