I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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