Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How's work?
Spinning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
