i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
