Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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