can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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