i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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