my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
please don't ironically join a cult
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