just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
