Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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