we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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