She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
