How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
