That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
