So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found the puke drawer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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