Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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