Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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