You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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