At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
