cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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