When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
