update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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