if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she told me i tasted like america
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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