Are we in a gay sports bar?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
