The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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