dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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