my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
