They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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