What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
