Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
