I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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