I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
