I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
